


Headlong

by TDD



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Amnesia, Clexa, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Future Fic, Memory Loss, Soldiers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 16:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9246842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TDD/pseuds/TDD
Summary: The year is 3012 and when Clarke wakes up she has no memories of the accident or the last 4 years of her life.Amnesia one-shot.





	

“She’s had a few bouts of aggression since she woke up. However, the other doctors and I believe this has to do with the confusion she’s feeling from waking up, not knowing where she is or even _who_ she is. She knows she’s lost the last 4 years. That can be- no- that _is_ hard on both the body and the mind.”

“So, what you’re saying is, her brain-“

“Is fine. Long term, speaking. The scans show it. The memory loss is traumatic amnesia caused by the accident. Her memory will most likely return.”

Lexa let out a sigh of relief. Her breathing that had been starting to feel stifled and turn her face red was coming more easily now. She stood outside the hospital room in the hallway. It wasn’t her first visit to the hospital and it surely would not be her last. Many people felt unsettled by the crisp whiteness of the environment. Or the static, encompassing smells of peroxide and lemon scented floor polish. Or maybe it was just all the sick and injured people.

Lexa wasn't bothered by it. This place and the people who work there had saved her life and her friend’s lives on a few occasions. For Lexa, it was nearly 2 years ago now. She and her squad had been dispatched by the Council with a team of mercenaries, medics, and volunteers in the desert sector. Unusual sandstorms had been plaguing the sector for 2 weeks, putting the people who lived there in danger. Lexa and the others had been sent to escort the locals to shelters until it was safe for them to return home. It was meant to be an easy mission. Nothing should have gone wrong.

She shook her head, riding herself of those thoughts. Being in the hospital always brought back things she had worked hard to put behind her. Like the time Lincoln had underwent treatment to counteract the lethal drug the Mountain Men injected him with. Or the time Raven’s leg had to be amputated. The hospital posed to push these potent memories to the forefront of her mind.

Maybe Lexa didn’t like hospitals so much after all.

She addressed the doctor again, “What’s the last thing she remembers?”

“Waking up for her final military exam. She remembers getting up, making breakfast, feeding her fish, putting on her uniform… and then, nothing.”

Lexa sighed. She remembered that day as well. She and Clarke trained in the same squad for 2 years before graduating and working in the Special Forces of Polis. They had been the two best in their squad, named Polaris, and a tense rivalry ensued. Looking back, their dynamic in those days was stimulating, thrilling, even electric. Their charged relationship had pushed her harder and harder to be the best solider there could be. The written exam had been the easy part. Clarke had actually scored higher on it than she did. When Lexa had begun to accept that much of her success was bolstered by her relationship with her rival, that’s when the impossible happened. Or maybe even the inevitable.

“Can I talk to her?”

“Of course. Go right ahead, Commander. Maybe a familiar face will soothe her.” The doctor bowed his head and left Lexa’s side.

Lexa didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry at the doctor’s remark. If the exam was really the last thing that Clarke remembered, when the two of them had been in the heat of rivalry, then Lexa was sure there would be no _soothing_ involved once she walked in the room.

But she had to see her. She had to see her face and her eyes. The doctor said Clarke’s memory would come back. Lexa just needed that one spark of recognition from the depths of blue.

She turned the knob, exhaled the breath that threatened to lodge itself in her nose, and opened the door.

Clarke was lying on the bed, white covers over her body. Her head was resting comfortably against the two pillows behind her. The monitor beeped and beeped but that was the only sound in the room besides their breathing and Lexa’s footsteps. She lowered herself onto the chair next to the bed with the urgency of a sloth, afraid that if she moved at any other speed, the girl before her would stir and wake up from the sleep she desperately needed.

Clarke’s head was slightly tilted towards Lexa. She looked down at the girl, with the light skin and beauty mark just above her lips. Her eyelashes were long and pressed against her cheek as her mind slept and tried to put itself back together again.  Lexa thought she looked like an angel.

Before Lexa settled further into the chair, she saw the water bottle and paper cups on the table next to the bed. She poured some water into the cup and put it near the edge of the table. If Clarke woke up while Lexa was gone or asleep, she wouldn’t have to look or reach far to hydrate her dry throat.

The nurse walked in and checked Clarke’s vitals. Lexa just needed Clarke to wake up and remember her. So that she could take her home, bury her in a blanket fort on the sofa, and watch TV all day long. Occasionally bringing her soup or cookies and tea. Anything her heart desired, Lexa would give her.

Lexa almost startled when the nurse tapped her on the shoulder.

“Are you Lexa?”

“Yes.”

“The doctor gave me this for you.”

“Oh. Thank you.”

The nurse handed Lexa a tiny plastic bag. The contents nearly made Lexa whimper and break the dam behind her eyes. She shoved the bag into the front pocket of her jacket, unable to look at it for a single second longer.  

The nurse nodded and squeezed her shoulder once before moving out of the room.

Lexa slumped in her chair. She felt like she had lost hours of wakefulness in nearly a minute. She felt the last 4 years heavy on her shoulders and heart. If she hadn’t been sitting, her knees surely would’ve buckled under the weight of it. With one last look at Clarke, she closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep.

=•==•==•===•====•

Lexa had woken up to an untouched paper cup and the contents of her jacket front pocket burning a hole in her chest. She took the jacket off and threw it onto the floor. She tugged on the front of her shirt, fanning herself. But she felt bad for chucking the jacket on the floor especially because of what was in the pocket. Wasn’t she more disciplined than that? With guilty eyes and stubborn hands, she picked the jacket back up and put it on her lap. She poured a cup of water for herself and drank it greedily.

The window showed that it was dark outside. She checked her watch and saw she had been asleep for nearly 6 hours. The night was long. It was the hour in which you couldn’t fathom anything interrupting the stillness of the city. Those who were awake were just waiting, some longing for the sun to rise but knowing that they had to be patient. Lexa wondered how much waiting she would have to do.

A nurse was milling around the room again. She smiled and reached out for Lexa’s empty cup.

“Oh. Thank you.” It was first thing Lexa said after waking up and it perfectly matched the last thing she said before falling asleep. To the same nurse, no less. The nurse tossed the cup in the recycling bin and resumed her routine work.

Lexa’s voice was scratchy and timbered from sleep as she spoke, “Do you know when she’ll wake up?” The nurse looked at her curiously and Lexa nodded her head at Clarke, as if it wasn’t obvious who she was talking about.

“She’ll wake up when her brain feels she’s ready to wake up.”

“So, you have no idea.”

The nurse shrugged and Lexa sighed, falling back into the chair. When her sore muscles protested, she got up and stretched her legs, leaving the jacket on the chair.

The doctor told her that Clarke wasn’t in a coma. But she needed rest and no one knew how long that could take.

The nurse spoke up, “While you were asleep her family came to check in on her.”

Lexa stopped her stretching. “And they just left?”

“Said there’s nothing to be done. The girl needs her sleep and they did too. You had already taken occupation of the one chair in the room.” The nurse shrugged her left shoulder and half smiled. An expression of _what can you do, am I right?_

She turned and left again after telling Lexa she would be back in an hour.

Lexa looked away from the door, back to the bed. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw two blue eyes staring back at her.

Her heart stopped as she watched Clarke shift in the bed to see her better. Now with the urgency and speed of an alarmed cheetah, Lexa reached for the bed’s controls to raise the bed so Clarke could sit up.

Clarke didn’t say anything as she watched Lexa help her. The air felt awkward and tense. Lexa took the jacket in her hands again and sat down on the chair. She knew Clarke could and might ask her to leave. They weren’t friends. At least, not in Clarke’s mind with the memories she had.

Lexa cleared her throat. “Did you sleep well?”

The blonde only nodded.

Lexa squirmed a bit. She resisted the urge to anxiously tap her fingers on the arms of the chair.

She cautiously met Clarke’s eyes again. “Do you remember me?”

“You’re Lexa.” The blonde said with conviction, with no hint of doubt.

“You must be confused as to why I’m here.” Lexa forced out the words.

She wanted to hang her head and let out quivering breaths but under the scrutiny of the blonde’s stare, she wouldn’t allow herself to do that. She couldn’t look weak now. Maybe in front of Clarke, her best friend, she could have. But not in front of Clarke, her rival.

“According to the last thing you remember, we’re training mates, in squadron Polaris, and we’re not friends.” Lexa feared her voice would break on the last part but her resolve remained firm.

Clarke could detect the ‘but’ in her tone and the presence of 4 years mingling between them. Clarke sensed that Lexa had possession of the pieces that were missing from Clarke’s mind. She felt, more than knew, that Lexa wasn’t here just as an old rival or training mate.

Instead of speaking she reached over with a weak hand to pick up the paper cup at her bedside. Lexa’s natural reaction was to help the blonde but she knew in Clarke’s current mind state, Clarke would shoo her away, unwilling to be helped by her.  So, Lexa let Clarke do it by herself. The knowledge of that dismissal hurt Lexa deeply.

Satisfied after drinking, Clarke put the cup back on the table and looked at Lexa again. Clarke’s voice was weaker and lacked the volume that it usually had. But it was still low and sultry like Lexa loved.

“What are we now?”

“Now, you’re a soldier and I’m your commanding officer.” If Clarke was disappointed that Lexa outranked her, she didn’t show it.

“So, I did end up passing that exam.”

“Yes, you did.” Lexa’s eyes searched Clarke’s and found none of the usual amusement and mirth that was usually there when they were together. She needed to bring that light into Clarke’s expression. She needed to be the cause of that light. She forced a small smile and said, “You scored higher than me, by the way.”

Clarke barely reacted. She blinked but the neutral expression on her face remained. Lexa longed badly for Clarke to stop looking at her as if…

As if she didn’t know her.

“What aren’t you telling me? There’s something else.” For the first time since waking up Clarke’s eyes searched her room. There was no indication of what was missing. Just some flowers from her friends, stuffed teddies from her parents. She looked back to Lexa and suddenly Lexa could see the want in her eyes. The want to know what happened between them. To know what Lexa did and she didn’t.

Clarke repeated, “There’s something else. Isn’t there?” Lexa recognized that Clarke knew the answer was an affirmative one but nothing else beyond that.

Lexa swallowed quickly, feeling like she might need another cup of water. And an open window. But Clarke wanted an answer and Lexa could never deny Clarke of anything. Anything that her heart desired…

“I’m also your wife.”

Clarke’s mouth opened and closed in shock. She had a million questions that she wanted to ask and they all battled at the apex of her tongue to make it out of her throat first.

“Excuse me? My wife? Are you shitting me right now?” Every syllable was laced with disbelief. It was the reaction that Lexa expected, but not the one she hoped for.

“No, Clarke, I’m not shitting you.” Lexa looked tired. Lexa _was_ tired. If there was a flicker of sadness in her eyes as she spoke, Clarke just barely caught it. The observation surprised her and she couldn’t understand how she was so good at reading Lexa through her stoicism. Years of practice, apparently.

"We were rivals. We-we- can't stand each other. Now you're telling me we're married?"

Lexa nodded and Clarke's brain was confused. She didn’t know what grammatical tense to use.

We were?

We are?

Clarke could recall, as if it happened yesterday, when Lexa filled her entire room with soapy foam. Clarke opened the door to her dorm in the military base and out came frothing bubbles and suds that filled her room up to the corners and leaked into the hallway. It nearly ruined her laptop. Everything she owned smelled like citrus detergent for weeks. The present-day Clarke still had no idea how Lexa managed to do it or how she got away with it with the board and officers.

Of course, this was only 3 days after Clarke filled Lexa’s combat boots with worms.

Clarke’s reality that they hated each other was clear as day to her but Lexa was impossibly claiming otherwise. That they were bound through sanctified, holy union.

Clarke’s next question was so quiet that it barely passed her lips. But Lexa heard it despite her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

“Are we in love?”

Lexa could see the doubt in Clarke’s eyes but her tone had been so soft that Lexa dared to believe that something was eating away at it, pushing it back. Maybe deep down the dormant love that Clarke had for her was having an effect after all.

“Yes. Yes, we are.” Lexa put as much affirmation into her voice as possible.

Lexa bowed her head down in a half nod. She had to restrain from pulling the corners of her mouth downwards. If this were any other situation, she would be curling herself into Clarke's arms, revealing her fears against Clarke's shoulder with breaths that tickled the blonde's skin. She couldn’t do that now. Her one safe place, her one place where she could disarm wasn’t available right now.

Clarke wasn’t saying anything and suddenly Lexa couldn’t stand the silence. They could go hours just talking to each other. About anything in the world. When Lexa was dispatched she would call Clarke on the military phone that ran on batteries. Clarke would complain that the winds of the desert were too loud and Lexa should go somewhere quieter. Lexa would say that she couldn’t leave since she was on guard duty. Then she would laugh and hold the phone away from her ear as Clarke protested and exclaimed that she should be getting back to work instead of flirting over the phone.

“I can’t believe I ever actually felt threatened by you,” Clarke would say at those times.

“You were just mixing up your feelings of attraction with competition towards me.”

“I was not attracted to you!”

“Sure, honey.”

“Only when you stopped being such an arrogant ass!”

“You’re saying I’m not one now?”

“No, you still are. Just not towards me anymore.”

Then they chuckled and eventually exchanged _I love you_ ’s and _I miss you_ ’s.

The thought of never having that again frightened Lexa to the depths of her core. She told herself to stop it with the self-sabotaging thoughts. Clarke will remember.

To ease the silence, Lexa said, "There was a time when we were on less amicable terms. We've come a long way since that."

Lexa held out the jacket she had taken off. She showed Clarke the embroidered stitching on the dark green fabric of the jacket’s lapel.

Clarke’s eyes widened as she read the stitching.

“Griffin-Woods.”

Lexa nodded. “We hyphenated.”

She reached into the front pocket of the jacket, pulling out what the nurse gave her earlier. She handed Clarke the tiny plastic bag.

Clarke took it and her hands had begun to shake a little bit with the realization- the dawning of what she hadn’t believed to be true yet.

"They had to remove it during surgery."

Clarke opened the little bag and slipped the golden ring into her palm. She took it between careful fingers, knowing she was holding the most precious object in her life without having the memories to explain how or why. She peered at it closely reading the inscription around the golden band.

“Clarke and Lexa. 3009.”

Clarke looked up at Lexa curiously. “3009? That’s- if we graduated in 3008 then-“ Clarke looked at Lexa for the answers.

“We got married only 6 months after we graduated.”

“That was… fast.”

Lexa’s face pulled into a small smile. Their relationship after their graduation changed and accelerated at an unanticipated rate. The feelings they developed for each other were unlike anything either of them had ever experienced. With the pressure to outperform each other in training gone, something between them had blossomed and all they could do was surrender to it.

“So, it’s 3012 now. We’ve been married for…”

“3 years and 5 months.”

Clarke may have been clocked over the head with a steering wheel but she was still smart and put the pieces together quickly. “So, is next month our 4-year anniversary? Of being together, I mean?”

“Yes. It’s on the 20th.”

Lexa was surprised to see Clarke’s mouth grimace at that. Her eyes swam and her brow furrowed. “Oh. I’m…” She sighed. “I believe you. I guess… I’m sorry that I don’t remember.”  

It was highly inconvenient that the last thing Clarke remembered was right before her life changed inexplicably. Had she been given just one more months’ worth of memories, been able to just remember their first date or their first kiss, this whole thing would make a lot more sense. The notion that she married Lexa would be more conceivable.

When Lexa had been given the ring by the nurse, it almost made her shut down. Right now, to Clarke, Lexa was just her squad mate. The removal of the ring, even if it had been for surgery purposes, was the embodiment of that. Clarke’s wasn’t hers at the moment. Somewhere in her brain and in her heart, Clarke still loved her. Clarke just didn’t know it.

Clarke surprised Lexa again when she gingerly put the gold band on the ring finger of her left hand.

“Oh. You… you want to wear it?”

Clarke nodded. “I told you I believe you. They said my memories would come back. It’s only a matter of time.”

Clarke smiled and her eyes crinkled as she looked at Lexa. There it was. There’s that light.

Lexa didn’t break the blonde’s gaze as her fingers played with her own ring with the same inscription. Lexa smiled back and she knew that they were going to be okay. This would just be another memory to pass through Lexa’s mind the next time she stood in the hospital hallway.

Clarke asked, “So, by how much did I beat you on the exam?”

“By 2 points.”

Lexa rolled her eyes when Clarke hooted and hollered in celebration.

“It was 4 years ago, Clarke!”

“Not to me!” Clarke held her hand up for a high five.

Lexa chuckled and obliged, letting Clarke have this win.

=•==•==•===•====•

They ended up being okay.  

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this short piece. Feel free to leave kudos and a comment if you liked it.  
> Visit me on tumblr: thedrdonut.tumblr.com  
> I recently finished a fanart piece that I poured my heart and soul into. If you could check it out, give me a like and reblog, it would mean the world to me. http://thedrdonut.tumblr.com/post/155593530902/all-rise-for-your-heda-this-is-it-its-finished


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